I sometimes hear people say that we need self-respect before we can respect others. I was curious about this so went down a rabbit hole of self-respect research.

Firstly, I asked Siri ‘what is self-respect?,’ Siri kept defaulting to a definition of self-esteem - I didn’t think this was quite what I wanted. So, I asked, ‘what is self-esteem?’ - the answer I received was ‘Self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth, abilities, or morals. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.’ I guess self-esteem and self-respect are more alike than I had thought.

Not satisfied with this limited research I dipped further into self-respect conversations, research and thinking over the next few days. This is my favourite of all the definitions I found:

‘Self-respect means accepting yourself as you are. It’s not about being perfect – it’s about knowing that you’re deserving of respect simply for being you.’  

I also found these paragraphs that describe people with or without self-respect:

with:

People who respect themselves understand that they must first look inward to discover their worth, esteem, and happiness. As a result, their life is more stable and fulfilling than those who compare themselves to others or those who rely on external sources of validation.

and without:

Individuals with low self-respect allow others to define them, rather than defining themselves. They are more concerned with how others perceive them than what actually matters to them, and often lead fake lives as a result. They have a constant need for external validation and tend to be people pleasers.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412

It is claimed that people with self-respect find it easier to set, commit and live to upholding their boundaries and personal values. They know and accept both their strengths and weaknesses and are confident in them, I imagine that this then allows a person with high levels of self-respect to navigate relationships easier. If a person knows themselves, knows where their line in the sand is, and is willing and able to stand up for their beliefs this surely carries into their interactions with others.

My conclusion at the end of this journey into self-respect definitions, quotes and YouTube clips is this: no, respecting ourselves is not conditional to how we show up for others. *Just as respecting others is not a pre-cursor to respecting ourselves. However, introspection and vulnerability, knowing what matters, finding our own values and integrity (all benefits of practicing self-respect) will help us to recognise and demonstrate respectful behaviours to everyone. Having self-respect will also assist us to manage disrespect, knowing our boundaries and values can help us to draw boundaries and communicate how we want to/deserve to be treated.

Instead of asking whether one needs self-respect to respect others, perhaps the question should be: Does having self-respect enhance relationships? The answer is unequivocally YES.

Self-Respect: Importance, Influences, and Strategies for Improvement, Article: The Impact of Self-Respect on Your Life, By Sanjana Gupta

HRM article Why it's important to have self-respect in life and at work - HRM online

All About Respect | Why Is Respect Important? | Kids Helpline

Stats
My December blogs include Respect at Work stats for the year, 2024 numbers were a little down from previous years as far as number of sessions and hours delivered. Yet the number of clients/training sessions out of Tasmania stayed consistent to 2023, I delivered training in NSW (Sydney, Glenmore Park, Bungendore), Victoria (Hallam, Moonee Valley, Doreen, Mulgrave), ACT (City), Brisbane (City), and Tasmania (Hobart, Burnie, Devonport, Cambridge, Kingston).

I feel that 2024 has been a long hard year for many and more than one manager has recently (and empathetically) described their staff as limping towards some hard-earned days off. Whether you are personally racing, limping, crawling, strutting, or strolling to the finish line, I wish everyone a safe and respectful closure to 2024.

Respect at Work facilitates discussions about respect, respectful communication, and respectful behaviours,  have look here at some of the training options we offer.