Workplace toxicity
Let’s remember our humanness, our workplace responsibilities, and our compassion.
If you see someone struggling please check-in, support, and speak up.
Four people in my close circle (including family) are being affected by toxicity in their workplaces right now.
These are people who I have not worked with but I do know well, I have tried to reply to the concerns of each of them by playing devil’s advocate and looking for reasons for the behaviours that have temporarily crushed their souls (it’s difficult to be impartial when I am so close, but I always feel that it is necessary to place an EI lens over issues). But even when trying to look from other perspectives and apply compassion and curiosity to the alleged perpetrators of these behaviours I simply can not find reasons that justify the stories I am being told.
Work is rarely just ‘work’, it’s where we form our identities, feed our egos, derive self-worth, seek community, and hopefully find meaning and fulfillment. Work is emotional, and when our relationships with people at work are strong, they are a source of energy, support, happiness, and growth. But when these relationships fracture, dealing with a difficult co-worker can be exhausting, demoralising and stressful. When we experience disrespect, our minds can take over and even when we don’t want to think about the incident/s our amygdala gets hijacked and constantly evaluating the issue takes over. Then there are the examples of workplace behaviours that are worse than disrespect, examples that are just nasty, toxic and evil.
To me, two of the examples I have recently heard sound like classic power and experience issues, with middle managers lacking the skills/competence/support to execute performance management in a constructive and supportive manner. I hear so many examples just like these in my work, if you can connect with this problem read this article: How can organisations better support middle managers? - HRM online
Another example seems to describe a workplace filled with gaslighting with at least one key player exhibiting passive aggressive behaviours. Yet another describes a workplace with no trust, value, or psychological safety.
All the individuals I mention have been rocked, I have seen at least two of these individuals crushed to the point of barely being able to lift their heads from their pillows just to stop the crushing and unrelenting pressure.
I have tried to encourage each of these people to prioritise their self-care by prioritising what is in their control – movement, nourishment (food and soul), and relaxation. Along with self-care is building resilience, and in these cases where damage has already been done, my 4 strategies (in no particular order - and all 4 are not always possible) are simply to pause, walk-away, buy some time, and breathe. Support is also crucial, this doesn’t have to be endless discussion and unpacking of issues, just sitting beside a friend can be the difference that helps them through.
*There are also many support resources available: A conversation could change a life | R U OK?, Black Dog Institute | Better Mental Health | Science. Compassion. Action., Get support - Beyond Blue - Beyond Blue, MindSpot Clinic - Free Online Mental Health Support, if you are worried about yourself or another person please reach out *
There are codes and laws that are trying to address the way people are treated but by the time a conflict gets to the formal complaint stage the damage is often already done. And for three of the people I mentioned – progressing to a complaint process has been just one too many things to try to think about or have the energy to step into.
We all have a responsibility for the culture of our workplaces, whether we are leaders, bystanders, or parties in a conflict. Let’s remember our humanness, our workplace responsibilities, and our compassion. If you see someone struggling please check-in, support, and speak up.
Are there instances of incivility, disrespect and toxicity in your workplace? Please reach out, Respect at Work training sessions will help.